the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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