My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
