I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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