actually, I'm a sock model
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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