Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
