its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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