Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize