o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
