i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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