I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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