Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you win again, gameday.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
