Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize