she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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