Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
