mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
