What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
