so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
