where does the pee come out of this thing
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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