I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Randomize
