Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
