the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
