the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
