Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
