final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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