I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
