They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
