there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
