i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
