Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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