So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
