omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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