it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize