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Fuck
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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