I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize