He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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