A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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