I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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