I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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