i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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