to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
