my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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