Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
