Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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