I am spending my child support on dildos
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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