i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
