so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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