Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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