dude i'm inner monologue high
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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