so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize