it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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