Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
