You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
