Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
