It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize