Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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