remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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