i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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