The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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