I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
