Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
