I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
