I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
