why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
this is an emotional support booty call
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize