Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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