The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Dicks are not precious.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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