Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
