i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You pole danced in your parka.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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