weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
