Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
