It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
