i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
