Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
