i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize