He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Randomize
