my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
