To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
A bitchslap is in order.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests đ
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes âI drove you last nightâ\nâYou got your dick sucked in the back seatâ
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
