My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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