New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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