My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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