someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
