we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
