i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
