the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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