Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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