I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think my vagina is haunted
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
