The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Vodka?
Forever.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
