You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize