Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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