when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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