ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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