just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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