I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
