so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
