She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
