whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
