Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize
