I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
