I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
